Bullied? What single moms can do!
Are you or your child the target of a bully? Throughout the course of this article I refer to so- called “victims” as “targets” instead. It’s important for those being targeted by a bully to realize they are NOT victims! By removing the title “victim” and replacing it with “target” you can make it easier to deal with a bully and not let a bully run your life. Most people assume that bullying only occurs in schools. However, more and more evidence points to a growing number adult bullies.
Few people recognize bullies immediately. Bullies are grand manipulators who often seek targets they feel they can easily intimidate. They also are excellent at deceiving others about their intentions. The most often claim of a bully: “I didn’t do anything…he/she is overreacting or is just “too sensitive”. When in reality, bullies get a sick sense of pleasure in trying to dominate others. The official dictionary.com definition is as follows: BULLY: a blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.
Types of bullying:
Most people are probably familiar with bullying occurring via social networks, email, texting and other types of technological devices. Cyber bullies plant malicious fabrications about their target. They may engage in secretive emails and texts.
The GREAT thing about cyberstalking is that there is a trail of evidence. Many cyber bullies believe they can simply erase an email, text, or social networking posting. Fortunately for police and “targets” …this trail of evidence can be used to confront the bully and in many cases result in legal action taken against the bully.
Serial bullies excel at deception and evasion of accountability. The silent bully has learned they can avoid consequences of bad behavior through instinctive responses of denial, blaming others and projection. This type of bully usually doesn’t stop. If their current target effectively avoids or assertively stands up to the bully, the bully will look for a new target.
Silent bullies are experts at hiding their behavior. They often conduct their “games” when no witnesses are present other than their target. They carefully plant misinformation, often pitting people against one another or engage in “splitting” a victim from sources of support. Isolation is a classic bullying tactic. By removing a target’s support network, bullies retain more and more control of their target. Eventually the target breakdown and lose all sense of self.
How to protect yourself and your child
- WALK AWAY – Bullies want to know they have control over you so don’t react with anger or retaliate with physical force.
- DON’T RESPOND – Do not respond to cyber-bullying messages. The bully wants to feel in control of your emotions, so the best response is no response
- AVOID ISOLATION – Tell someone you trust about the bully. Bullies count on their target not telling others. Join a group of friends that does not condone bullying. There is safety in numbers.
- BE ASSERTIVE – Act confident. Hold your head up, stand up straight, and make eye contact if you are forced to respond to the bully.
Remember, bullies are angry, manipulative and unhappy people. If you become the target of bully, don’t blame yourself. The person doing the bullying has deep unresolved issues that cause them to ignore proper boundaries. Remember that you are not the one with the problem. It’s the bully who has the problem. It is NOT your fault!
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