Visitation builds healthy relationships

I have received some comments and questions lately regarding dads and their desire to have more time with their kids. Recently a few famous dads have been in the news, for doing the right thing. These dads have been trying desperately to see their kids. For many of these dads, their ex-spouse or partner make it very difficult to build a healthy relationship with their child. Too many times, parents are so focused on their anger towards each other, they can’t see the hurt their child experiences. When one parent allows hurt and anger to color every interaction, it makes healthy communication impossible.

Do you allow your child to spend time with Dad? If not, do you have a valid reason? Unless the other parent is an alcoholic, drug addict, hangs out with felons or is completely irresponsible, there is no justification in creating friction. Remember, this is for the child! Your son or daughter needs love from both parents. You may not always agree with each other’s parenting style, but you can agree to respect one another.

Children need both parents in their lives. What happens when dad is absent? Does your former mate or partner want a healthy relationship with the child you share together? If so, by all means do everything in your power to help make it happen. There have been hundreds of studies outlining the benefits of having both parents actively involved in the child’s life. A child should be showered with love by both his mother and father.

Is your anger a problem?

Let it go! Your intimate relationship is now over. Remaining angry and bitter not only prevents you from moving on, it also makes you less attractive. Stop making your relationship with your ex about your history together. Because that’s exactly what it is – HISTORY. Your current relationship needs to revolve around the child or children. Moms have an incredible amount of influence in their home. Be sure to use that influence in a positive manner that helps instead of hurts.

Problem Solving:

Avoid Court! Work out the visitation, Skype calls, etc. – or the courts will do it for you. If you let the courts determine visitation, you both will be forced to abide by dates, times, etc.

Don’t forget to document communication. Email is the best option for communicating regarding visitation. This allows both parents to explain their visitation wishes and can help avoid hostile phone calls.

Communicating:

· Don’t bring up the past.

· Be civil and respectful

· Focus on facts and solutions.

· Remain emotionally detached.

· Avoid “advising” – it’s not your job to change the other parent.

Remember, when parents’ divorce or separate the children usually don’t get a vote in that choice. Don’t completely squash their feelings by not giving them a voice in seeing their other parent.

Helpful links

Children need Dads – UK Census Study


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