The single mom – surviving a break up
With the divorce rates surging, single moms are increasing in population in unprecedented numbers. This increases the chance that a man will come across a single mom while searching for that perfect mate or just merely “dating”. Unfortunately at some point a single mom is going to face a break up. In my experience, I mostly kept to myself and focused on my children and my career. However, there was one relationship. When this relationship ended, I wasn’t prepared and my children watched as heartache ate away at my being. The following guidance below is what I would have told myself five years ago.
Once it’s clear the relationship has dissolved, there are a lot of unanswered questions left for mom. Feeling Inadequate or questions relating to the children may plague her mind. She may be left to wonder if it’s because she is a single mom that the man walked away. If those questions surface, it’s likely to leave mom with lots of feelings of anger and frustration. Most of the time, a man is not going to say, “I don’t want to date a single mom”. I have to be very direct. If this is the case, please hold your head high as a single mom and run the other way. This man is NOT for you or your children.
Give yourself time to heal without rushing. So many times women feel there is this rush to get past the pain, to “hurry up” and heal. To avoid any display of prolonged sadness. However when we avoid processing the feelings, we allow negative energy to build up inside. At the same time, your feelings of rejection and pain will express themselves in other ways. This may occur in outbursts of anger or in less patience with your children. So, whether you use a journal, a close friend or see a therapist, it is critically important that you deal with your feelings and not keep them bottled inside.
Setting the example
We all hear that we are responsible by setting an example for our kids through our actions. However, along with that, we need to also provide them with the tools to cope with emotional heartbreak. We focus on not doing drugs, holding down a job, paying our taxes, not being an alcoholic. Yet, we spend very little time teaching our children on how to handle emotional heartbreak. I will give three critical things to do while healing from emotional wounds.
1. Don’t be afraid to cry in front of the kids – this teaches that crying is ok. Crying is a release of stress and pent up emotions.
2. Hug them – human touch communicates love and gives feelings of security – especially to the children.
3. Volunteer – although it may feel like this is the worst possible moment, it actually is one of the best forms of therapy. When you give your time to those in need, it not only takes your mind off of your own problems, but helps you see that others have problems as well. I can personally attest to this as I took my children on many volunteer opportunities through our church. Each time, they came away feeling really good about themselves. To this day, they continue to talk about how they helped others in need.
In closing, I would like to say that there is hope and that time does in fact heal all wounds. You may not forget but you will survive. Use the websites below, the tips above and keep your children close.